Hi. My name is Melanie Princeleur, and I'm a clinical psychologist working at Rosehill Clinic in Remiwera. So I have a specific interest in ADHD and would like to share some of my thoughts with you today. This presentation is about managing relationship difficulties commonly associated with ADHD. Yet before we delve deeper into this very important topic, a quick recap about the basics of ADHD will help set the stage for a better understanding of how this all fits together. So what do we need to know first? The term ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and it's an internationally agreed upon classification for a collection of specific symptoms and behaviors. Yet we do know that not everyone with ADHD.

Has the exact same set of symptoms and behaviors. So while ADHD is essentially our umbrella term, we do need to specify whether a person presents with predominantly inattentive subtype, predominantly hyperactive or impulsive subtype, or a combination of both. Unpacking these subtypes in a way that practically makes sense can be helpful to identify which bits we need to target as part of an overall treatment plan. So let's for a moment entertain a light hearted explanation of these subtypes. So many of you may remember the childhood fictional characters of Winnie the Pooh and Tigger. So these two characters may help us to have a picture in mind of what these different subtypes actually look like. Winnie the Pooh, as we may remember.

Was quite forgetful. He often started tasks which he did not finish. He was well intentioned, but he was so disorganized that very often his plans fell flat. He got distracted with what was going on around him or even by his own thoughts. So on one occasion, Pooh decided to build a new home for his best pal, Eeyore, the donkey. Yet he went about this in quite a haphazard way, didn't discuss it with Eeyore and just started dismantling his home, which Eeyore himself painstakingly put together. So what happened in the end is Eeyore had no home. So on a different occasion, Pooh put together some plans to create a trap to catch a Hephalump, which is a fictional character resembling an elephant, yet he completely forgot.

Where the trap was and ended up being trapped himself. If we then take a brief look at Tigger, you may remember that Tigger is always on the go. He has high levels of energy, He tends to fidget. He can't sit still for long, and he impulsively makes decisions that he doesn't think through properly. He is overly talkative. He tends to interrupt others and blurts out the very first thing that comes to mind. On one occasion, Tigger impulsively grabbed a tablecloth to wrap around himself, which meant that everything on the table came crashing down on the floor. When he was questioned about it by Pooh Bear, he basically just said, well, the tablecloth tried to bite me. So while people are not fictional characters and the symptoms and behaviors.

Associated with ADHD are by no means funny, Having a picture in mind of how these subtypes differ can be incredibly helpful. The truth is though that we are all forgetful or distracted at times. We all lose things or misplace things from time to time, yet what actually separates the occasional slip ups from the very symptoms and behaviors linked to ADHD is that the latter must be present over time, so at least six months. So it's an ongoing challenge. It must also be present across two or more settings, which means that in this person's life, different areas come up where they have difficulty. These symptoms and behavior must also interfere in some way. So whether it is at home, at work, or socially.

We see that difficulties come up. And most importantly, these symptoms and behaviors should not be better explained by something else. Let's say the person recently got retrenched or they suffered a personal loss such as someone passing away, we need to separate those factors that could basically mimic similar signs and symptoms. On further investigation, we may find that these symptoms or behaviors were actually already present to some extent throughout childhood. So now that we have a basic understanding of ADHD, we are able to go further and look at the difficulties that commonly pop up in relationships with others. So what is typically voiced by a partner, family members, friends, flatmates, colleagues, or even the person themself?

It may seem very often to others that you are deliberately oppositional or defiant and not wanting to complete certain tasks such as emptying the dishwasher, putting dirty clothes inside the laundry basket, or mowing the lawn. Having to repeatedly ask the person to complete a task may feel somewhat fruitless and often arguments might come up leaving all involved somewhat frustrated. It may happen that you typically forget to pay the bills or that you forget about a scheduled appointment. You may run late often, or when you arrive at work or a family get together, you forget to bring some key things that you actually planned to pack anyway. You may constantly struggle to find your keys, your wallet, or your phone, or when you are at varsity.

You may miss deadlines or tend to put off certain tasks up up until the last minute. You may actually make some keyless mistakes and miss detail because you're scanning documents too quickly, because the thought of having to read through pages and pages of info may seem very, very boring. For friends and colleagues and sometimes family, it may also seem as though you quickly get bored in conversation. So while you might be looking at them, they can pick up that you are no longer paying attention. It may be that the TV caught your attention. It may be that you heard a phone ringing, or that actually the person across from you is just talking for way too long, and you've actually started daydreaming about something else.

You may sometimes find it difficult to sit still for longer periods, like in a meeting or in a lecture or at a family get together where there's a seated dinner. Others who know you well might also notice that you then tend to fidget or start to think about any excuse in the book to get out of the room. In some instances, you may also interrupt others, intrude on others, find it difficult to stand in line at the supermarket or at an event, or you may actually impulsively buy something that you never set out to buy in the first place. Over time, debt may accumulate, financial stress can come up, and this can lead to arguments in relationships. You may also find it difficult to budget and stick to it. When your partner.

Family members, flatmates, or colleagues at times maybe voice some of their frustrations, they may be somewhat surprised or even annoyed at how quickly you move on from that quite serious conversation to something else. You may have apologized, but it may also seem to others that that apology is somewhat hollow because you have apologized yet again for forgetting. So you yourself may often feel annoyed frustrated and wonder why it is so difficult to get certain things done, why it is difficult to remember important things, and you may genuinely want to be more organized, plan better, sort out that messy closet or your toolbox, but for some reason, these tasks seem somewhat daunting. And getting started, well, you're just not quite sure how.

Practically, what can we do? So when you are giving an instruction to a person who has a diagnosis of ADHD, it is important that you make eye contact. So make sure that you have their full attention. Don't compete with the TV or a device. Keep your instruction short and to the point, and you can even ask them to repeat what they have heard to make sure that they've understood. You can also use reminders, so a combination of the traditional paper and pen diaries or a journal with a bullet system or you can use technology like a diary on your device. So a combination of these reminders can be really, really helpful. Also, maintaining a predictable routine.

Is important, and you can make that nice and visual by having a checklist that you put somewhere like the fridge that you will actually see that more often than not. To help motivate yourself to start and complete a task that might seem somewhat boring, it could be helpful to decide beforehand to reward yourself once that task is is completed. The important thing is that the reward should not be of monetary value. It should be time limited and it should be something that you enjoy doing anyway, whether that is going for a walk or taking the dog for a walk, a quick run, so something that you would normally do anyway but you enjoy.

To help with fidgeting, you could perhaps invest in a fidget cube or a stress ball or something to channel the body movements. Schedule regular body breaks in between periods where you might have to remain seated for a long time and you can also channel high levels of energy by having regular opportunities for movement through exercise. Create a designated space where you leave your belongings so that you are not forever looking for your car keys, your wallet, and maybe designate a specific drawer for those very important documents. Clear a dedicated workspace for yourself and remove potential distractions when you have to sit down and do a task that might require some effort.

If you have quite a big task coming up, whether that is in in your personal life or at work, it could be helpful to break that up into smaller, more manageable chunks and then diarize those smaller bits and tick them off as you go. You can also make use of a bulletin board at home for your family, for your flatmates, as a visual cue for important reminders. On the flip side of things, having a diagnosis of ADHD is by no means all doom and gloom. ADHD can actually be considered a superpower of sorts. While Superman himself has the awesome gift of flying, his job of saving mankind from the brink of disaster may often prevent him from actually showing up to that date to actually be on time for the peer and teacher interview.

So for him, having his life run smoothly may require some key for thought and planning. Similarly, people with ADHD may experience some challenges or difficulties, but these can be improved when they target it, so optimal outcome and quality of life is definitely achievable. When we highlight specifically the superpowers of ADHD, we know that people with ADHD can hyper focus, so that means that they can focus better and for longer compared to those who do not have ADHD. That is incredible. Yet the trick is they need to be passionate and somewhat interested in what they are about to do. Individuals with ADHD also live in the here and now. They may have to develop the skill to learn from the past.

Consider the future, which is called metacognition, but they have this incredible ability to be in the moment, which many of us strive to do day in and day out. Then also, those with ADHD very often exude limitless creativity and imagination. They don't just think outside of the box. They create their own. So an appreciation for both sides of the coin, the strengths of ADHD as well as the areas that need to be developed goes a very long way in terms of the management of ADHD over time.