Okay. Unlike most of the speakers today, I'm going to be talking to you about me and my journey, which some of you here may recognize and sound similar from your own stories or maybe slightly different. But, you know, as they say, if meet one person with ADHD, you've met one person with ADHD. And so my unexpected journey, Loving pictures of me as a child. Obviously, all of us develop our view of the world, how things are, our relationships, our social activities, and how we deal with people from our family. So this is where we get our first glimpse of life and how it should be and we have our role models. So mom, dad, myself and followed by two younger brothers. During this time growing up, we're all pretty.

Good Kiwi kids and out and running around. Most of our time outside the school was biking and going to neighbors houses and going down to the parks down the road. We actually had quite a lot of freedom. Things were quite different. So perhaps they are today and how children and families operate today. Mom is a stay at home mom. She's the at home pikelets and pongs and things like that. A lot of people leave days with how the world is. Both parents are working. So pre and after school here and lots of activities where we're rushing around from sports to art to whatever else it may be. So we're quite quite busy, quite different. So back then it was a lot more relaxed. I hadn't really heard too much about ADHD. Though over time, looking back.

It actually was in my life a lot more than I thought. 2005, I gave birth to a boy, Jordan, and by the time he was three, I realized that his behaviors and things he was doing were a little bit different from other kids. I was involved with play center. So that means that I actually was there with him. I could see his behavior and children of the same age and their behavior, other parents' interactions, all of those kind of things. Is this is a little bit different. I'd actually spent a year in for a child in The States who had ADHD. And I just kind of thought, you know, sometimes the look on his face really reminded me of what the girl that I used to look after, what expression from some of the behaviors that she would show.

A little bit of a similarity here. So also while I was at Play Center, I started looking at other people, the other moms. And they always seemed to be organized together and managed to go out and do the shopping and take the kids with them and they were popping here and popping here and you know, seem to be able to do their baking and washing and all these other tasks quite happily. And I felt like this was me. Why could I need to get organized? Why was I always rushing? In the mornings I forget to put underarm on, forget to brush my hair. I felt overwhelmed. Of the things that Natalie was saying earlier, I just felt like clutter everywhere, I was never in control, and I started really comparing myself and feeling like.

I'm not doing something right. Sorry. Know, why is it that they people seem to do this? Seem to be able to get everything done. Here I am, stuck, not being successful. I felt like I was failing. Was doing something wrong. What is it? I don't know, I'm a good person? I just couldn't quite put it together. So from Jordan and his journey from being diagnosed, he was diagnosed with ADHD and later with Asperger's and he was dyslexic. I got involved with the ADHD Association and started learning a lot more about ADHD, what it is. Again the difference between when I was a child growing up and to where we are now, I could go online, I could do searches, there's just a screen of information.

Out there, I could do reading on it, understand certain things. So what I started discovering as well is that ADHD in children then to adults is quite different. It shows quite differently. And again, ADHD women is really different. So from reading more, learning more, I started to kind of think, okay, what are these issues that I'm struggling with? For me, organization, staying on task, looking back at where I was when I was going through schooling. Luckily for me, I didn't have a learning issue. I was always quite bright, just managed to get through, just did enough what I needed to. Right back, my mother had a very interesting story about what I was like as a child. Apparently, I was rather difficult, very independent, strong willed.

And most of the time she had no idea what to do with it. The place and the thing comes here again. So as a young mom, she was 20 when she had me, she was okay, she's living in Hamilton, we'll go to the lay center. Luckily, for me and for her, there was a few older mothers there and there were a couple of them actually had psychology breeze and just took me away. So from very early on, I was climbing out the window when I was told off, laughing in her face as she was trying to smack me with a little spoon. It doesn't hurt. See if you can catch me. Got in trouble. My first experience weighing in school was actually in primary school. We went to the store to go buy some lolly. We went and broke into a friend's house and and I.

Was probably a really quirky child. Always really interested in nature. I started a goldfish club and used to keep insects, which is quite unusual for a girl. I had a pet wolf spider and I had skinks and used to catch baby birds and things like that. So I was always a little bit quirky and I actually used to get quite bullied at primary, which I had been told my parents about feeling recently. Didn't even know at stage. It was lovely to and reasons that I now know explained how I was feeling and what I was going through. Consistency again was the fact that I was completely inconsistent and never reached my full potential. Could do better if pride, could do better if pride herself, could do better if wasn't talking so much, all of those.

So that is a very good presentation of ADHD too. You know, we might not be quite so hypo as the boys jumping around and things, but I can certainly talk talk and talk talk and and and and and talk. Yeah. So I used to be at all the top classes even in maths and then hit intermediate school. I don't know what happened. I had a complete brain meltdown, shutdown. I don't know. I just became less interested in all of those things. And at college, I discovered fun, naughty people. Looking back, knowing what I know now, I can see why, especially with that whole ADHD connection, because they never judged me. I never felt like I wasn't meeting their expectations.

And we're always doing fun things. So it was lots of throb sleeping behavior, going out doing silly stuff, so lots of immediate gratification. Yes, I started smoking 13, apparently that's quite an ADHD event too. Smoking cigarettes, nicotine as well as just the habitual thing and experimented with drugs, self medicating is I know now what it is. At the time, I was trying to be more normal and feel more normal and be a bit more in control. So I did actually make it to university because my lovely family who I was talking about before, not so normal family as I know now, but very supportive. And just lucky enough that my parents are still together.

They sent me to good school, and I ended up having a really good core group of friends. So I skimmed the surface of a lot of trouble, but never quite got there. I did go to university and discovered the university club in shadows, and again, I had a fantastic social life. But my brain was switched off. I just was not even thinking about the future or where things would go. I was very much in the now looking for that instant gratification. So I did five, made it through, traveled around the world for about six years. Then when it was time to settle down, met my partner who I might have, I'm pretty sure is ADHD as well and has the Spurgeon in the family. So we have the lovely gene combination there.

I had to start to learn to be a bit more adult. While travelling, did very, very many jobs, all sorts of things, factory work to PA, cleaning, all sorts. Fell into recruitment actually, which I really enjoyed because fast paced, things are changing all the time, meeting lots of different people, so I was actually able to use my strength. I still had issues with all these things though. Dates and timelines, even in terms of like we missed a few children's birthday parties. I knew about them, invitation on our fridge for the present. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's yes. Yes. We're going to sign so birthday party. And then I decided I'd go and visit someone or do something else. And then it was off the girls afterwards.

Even children swimming lessons, which you think, you know, every week doing these swimming lessons. And I'd get distracted, something would come up, we'd end up going off and doing something else. Fear of failure, so self sabotage all the time, you know, gets to that point where you kind of think, oh, well, you know, whatever. I'm not very good at that anyway. I'm not even gonna try and do that because I don't know how to do it. So the low self esteem, what's wrong with me? It was me, I was carrying myself to all of these other people and basically, I felt like I was a failure. I felt like I couldn't do it and I didn't know why. All the important things that most people would do straight away. Okay. Both.

Do. Right. Let's do that. Oh, I'd fluff off and find something else to do. Anything but what I should be doing. Routine, given a son with ADHD and autism, I was told I should be able to give them a routine, this is what will help them, I couldn't do it. Again, I felt like failure. Why can't I stick to a routine? Why can I not follow through? Again, it's me. In terms of escaping, I used to do various things. Alcohol, quite good, a few wines, relax with you. Funnily enough, I've gone through a little period of gaming. I don't really love playing a game, at the time, online, I'd be playing with Greg and Greg. And then talking to people online that I didn't know and communicating with him instead of being present.

Where I should have been in the family and dealing with those things. So all of these things were like repetitive cycles with me to varying degrees. Sometimes I seem to cope better than others. All these things had been rolling around for a long time and it wasn't until a friend of mine actually said, Tracy, you know you probably have ADHD. So I did agree to go and see Tony Hart Because, yeah, these things were just becoming very prevalent. So November 2013, went to see Tony and I did the Toba test and I remember right up to an hour before I had made the appointment I was ringing my friends saying what if it's not ADHD, what if I'm just a bit mental, what if there's something else that's not this? I had been really.

Struggling to cope with what was going on in our lives with my son because we've had issues with school, he'd been stood down a few times, so I had actually gone to the doctor and said I just can't do it, can't do it, bursting into tears and so I put on ferrocetamine, so I've been on it for a couple of years and again all these little pieces of the puzzle are starting to kind of come into my mind and I realized well it's not actually making me feel any better it's numbing so that was one thing that done was numbing all of the pain and making things easier to deal with in that respect. But it was also making me not feel like me. And I actually in some ways was worse on it because my credit card got a check at $6,000.

Because I used to go shopping and do things and I just didn't care because I was so flat and unemotional. So after being diagnosed, with me it was never I didn't go through a grief thing or think, oh, I thought, Hallelujah! Because now I know it's a relief. I know why I was doing those things. I know why I wasn't doing some of those things. It just explained so much and that meant that I could actually take I didn't realize how much guilt had been weighing me down and how I was feeling about myself until I got the diagnosis and I thought, oh my god, I'm going to let it go. So I could. I went on to medication, so basically he put me straight on to Ritalin and within two weeks, I was off the antidepressant. And I have to say that since.

That time, it has been processed, but I also have cut down. I sort of enjoy having the old fav or two and social lubrication every now and again, but I don't find that I need those things to back me up now. I feel much better in terms of how I can cope. So that's an example. I'm not looking at that. That was my son for school one day, letting out a bit of excess energy. Not very PC, but we did train him for safety and he was wearing our boots. With that, so basically for me having a diagnosis, really nothing in my life had changed I was still dealing with the same pressures, the same issues, my son was still having a problem, my daughter is actually ADHD as well I'm pretty sure my husband is too. I had the same responsibility.

And I was the same person but it just flicked something in my mind terms of how I thought about myself. So those years that I had actually did it affect my self esteem and how I felt about myself, I had to build that back up. But mean, if said to me five years ago that I'll be sending up to a room people I don't know about that. Just would not have believed it. So the mindset word has come up a few times and it is actually about reframing how you feel about yourself and now I mean I get paid off about the disorder ADHD because it's not a disorder, it's a difference. We have a different brain and a different way of thinking. Even through all the crap that I've been through and the ups and downs.

I would not change it. I would not take away my ADHD because it has given me my creativity. I should be a lot more depressed than I am, but, hallelujah, my ADHD doesn't let me get that down because I get to a point and I do have moments and get shitty and so on, but then I get back up again and move on. This is just how it is and I am in an ADHD friendly household and and we have competitions. And my son is the winner because he is ADHD, ASD, and dyslexic. So he takes pride in it. And we talk about it a lot in the home and make it to a positive. I talk about all the positive role models that are out there. Some of them that Sarah was talking about, Justin Timberlake.

Adam Levine, I mean there's truckloads of people out there and you can do searches on it and so we do that and anyone who I see know that's famous and has ADHD or similar, you know, make sure I point it out. So nobody's perfect and those parents that I was comparing myself to when I was in the play center, a couple of them I actually still friends with. And I was like, gosh, I wish that I was so organized as you so know what I'm saying? Well, I wish that I could let go of it. And I wish I could be more like you. And she said, when we were dealing with Jordan, it placed me to we just, you know, we just stepped back and she said, you always seemed so calm and handled things so well, and so we will have hired you.

And how you are coping with what you were. So I think that there's something else too that we assume that other people are thinking these things about us. That's actually our perception that we've put onto them. It may not actually be that. So what do we do to help ourselves? Technology, using phones and things. I love what Liz was saying about all the best tips for the tiles and and yeah, when you're losing your phone, etcetera. Writing things down, making plans, allowing for change as well. You've got to find something that works for you because we are all different and accepting that. Be open. Oh, I'm mucked up. There maybe actually again. Ask for help.

That's one that I always struggle with. I really found it hard to ask people for help. Letting things go. You don't to sing it. Apart from your ears. Don't compare yourself and work to your strengths because you've got a lot of them. It's just finding them and finding a way that works for you and learn how to say no. Take on more than you can cope with. Edward Helliwell, I love them because it's so positive about ADHD. So having ADHD makes life paradoxical. You can super focus sometimes but also space out when you least mean to. You can radiate confidence and also feel as insecure as a cat in a kennel. You.

Can perform at the highest level feeling and competent as you do so. You can be loved by many but feel as if no one really likes you. You can absolutely totally intend to do something then forget to do it. You can have the greatest ideas in the world but feel as if you can't accomplish your things. And that is it. We're capable of so much but we probably don't do that. Be yourself. Only change the things that you feel you need to to make it work and the people that love you and around you and friends will totally accept that. So don't be afraid to be yourself. Here we go. And that picture started I have got everything you might need for everything. I used to paint, sew, do beading, mosaic. I've also got it in my garage just in case.

Obviously, I need to and I watch orders every now and then to make myself feel better, and I always make sure I show my this is what boarding looks like. Not this. Thank you very much.