Right. Look. You wrote the wrote the hit book. This is a hit book. How Not to Murder Your ADHD Kid. Instead, learn to be your child's own ADHD coach. And I I think a lot of people got stuck at the How Not to Murder and Yeah. Got a bit got a bit angry. Realised the key to stopping ADHD adolescents becoming homeless, unemployed, on drugs, in prison was to educate the parents. And if parents could recognise their kids getting into these sorts of issues early on and change their child's life path, that's something we absolutely agree with. Managing their ADHD properly from the start. The end result would mean prison, homeless hospitals, rehabs not packed to the rafters of people with ADHD. And as you would so ADHD New Zealand are taking over.

This evening to continue this conference. And one of the things they've done is they've really worked with the criminal justice system, with the police service to the extent that they got the head of the police to stand up and say, like, you know, we are arresting people with ADHD and it is a it is a health care issue that is not being and it should not be.

For us and we shouldn't be arresting them again and again because they they've they've they've been let down. And I thought that was a Well, good on New Zealand. And it's a start it's it's it's time that England started because we are very, very far behind on that. Our prisons are packed. The rafters with ADHD. Absolutely packed.

It's It's it's I we know it's a significant issue and it's it's and it's something and you're you're part of a vocal advocate for change in beliefs. You've got the the you're on the APBG for ADHD in the House of Parliament looking to get people's voices heard particularly in the prison system as we just discussed. And just obviously without a great ADHD diagnosis and medication and other support then they can't, you know it's very very hard. Campaign to get all offenders assessed for ADHD especially young offenders. Right.

Do you want me to talk or you're gonna carry on? I just thought I'd carry on. No. I've got questions. Questions now. I've got quite a lot to say. I'm And I've already had my time trapped. I know. Sorry about that. Justice is picking in. Yeah. No. No. Okay. Well, it was straight over to you. And, I think Christine, like, when we were messaging, I think it was you were asked, like, will he speak as fast as I speak? And Christine answered yes. Very fast. I must speak a lot. Well, if can talk about whatever you wanna say or I've got these.

Throw the questions at me because they are relevant questions. Okay. Can you tell us a bit why you wrote the book, How Not to Murder You? I wrote the book. I wrote the book for one very good reason, and that is because I'm an ex prison counselor, and I've worked in four prisons in total, two young offender institutes, four adult male prisons. And it wasn't until I was diagnosed with ADHD myself in 2,015 that I realized why I got on so brilliantly with all these offenders. I've never committed crime myself, apart from speeding fines. But I was I got on so well with these offenders, including young offenders.

And I I just I could never work it out. I thought it was kind of like magic that I just I love them and they love me. I just didn't know why. And then when I was diagnosed in 2015 with ADHD, I was like, wow. That's why. Because they're all ADHD, and so am I. And I've literally gone back since I was diagnosed, and I've hyped all those boys that are now out of Aylesbury young offenders and out of Portland young offenders. And I've got them diagnosed on the outside. Not one of them was diagnosed ADHD on the inside. They were all diagnosed on the outside with by me and my charity. So what I I wrote the book because I thought we've got to get further back. We've got to get to the parents before.

These boys get into trouble. And they get into trouble very early. I say boys, it does include girls actually, but vast majority are boys. There are girls in prison with ADHD as well. But I thought if I write a book to educate the parents from when they are teeny tiny so that they understand these ADHD traits, they understand that ADHD kids think they know best, want everything their own way. Lots of them have got sensory processing disorder, which is why they won't wear certain material, and it's no good forcing them into nylon and crimson because they won't wear it. And I just thought the more parents understood their children and were on the same side as them rather than battling them and trying to change the neurotypical.

That way, they the the kids would grow up being understood and accepted, and they wouldn't have so much to kick against. It's the ones that have got things to kick against that end up in prison. They're kicking against their parents, or they're kicking against the care system because a lot of them are in there. They're kicking against nan's because a lot of the times nan's and granddad's bring them up. So I was trying to educate these people that if they only could understand the ADHD brain, like, haven't understood it for fifty one years. I was nearly 52.

Before I was diagnosed. And I thought if I can get these parents to understand that these kids, they're not obnoxious and rude and all these things that they get labeled and and fidgety and can't sit down and misbehaving and all that. It's not misbehaving, it's actually behaving with your ADHD brain. And I wanted the parents to understand that. So originally, I wrote the book, I wrote it for clients because I had so many client I'm a counselor, coach, CBT therapist, all of that. And I had count clients coming in here from all over the country, literally. And I was saying the same thing to all of them. They're all going, oh, righto. I get it now. Now I understand how his brain works. I'll do things differently. And it was working massively.

So I thought, okay. If it's working for these people that I'm seeing one by one by one by one by one, I'll actually write a book. And I when I originally wrote it, I thought it would be just parents that would buy it. Client. Client parents. And I stuck it on Amazon thinking, well, you know, that would be ignored, and it'll probably cost me money, but it's on there if anybody wants it. And now it's gone bonkers. Absolutely bonkers. It's selling all over the country, all over the world. It sells five times as much in America as it does in England, which just.

Begs this belief. I can't believe that people are buying my book, my little book that was written near Eyewickem in books. They're buying it all over America. I find that very hard to believe because there were so many ADHD books in America. But I think what the difference is and I I'm not bigging myself up here because I'm no great great writer. I'm no great literary person at all. I just wrote as I speak.

And I wrote it from my own brain saying this is how we think. This is why we do things. This is what a heightened sense of justice is. This is how impulsivity plays out. This is how distraction is. This is why we get bored all the time, and we're tearing our hair out with boredom. And rather than fighting those things, accept them. Just accept that that is how the ADHD brain works and work with it. Don't battle it. And suddenly, because I'm saying this from my brain and I'm not intellectual, I've had a couple of people go, oh, she's not even a psychologist.

She's not even a doctor. No. She's not. She's just a very humble counselor who happens to have severe ADHD herself, moderate to severe. And since my diagnosis, I've gone on to be diagnosed with severe dyspraxia, which is why I practically had a breakdown joining this meeting today because I can't do links and I can't do things like that, and my severe dyspraxia really gets in the way. But I've also got sensory processing disorder, and I've also got dis I say dyscalculia, but you're supposed to say dyscalculia.

Which I find very difficult. So I've got lots of these conditions. So the clients that I've worked with a lot of now in private practice, I've worked with a lot of teenagers who've been written off by their schools. Absolutely written off. You know, it's senkid, ADHD, trouble, autism, da da da. And I've worked with a lot of these kids, and I'm very, very passionate about changing their lives, which is why I've now written a second book. Because this first book, loads of parents were buying it to give to their the kids' teachers because they were saying, look. This is just a normal person. She's not a doctor or a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

She's just some woman from my Wicken, and she's got she's got ADHD, but she's got it quite severely, and she's lived with it for half a century without, you know, without it being recognized. And because I speak in normal, just normal people language and explain all these ADHD traits and where it comes from in the brain and how it feels like to have it and how we do wanna dump people and punch people. I've never dumped anybody or punched anybody in my life, but I've always been accused of terrible attitude.

Because I don't like being talked down to. I don't like being I've never had bosses. I've been self employed for thirty years. Once you explain all this to the parents and say, you know, just accept it. Accept that ADHD kids are gonna feel that they know best. They do want their own way. No. They've got a heightened sense of justice. And because it's just kind of me, as I say, this woman from my Wickham that's that's saying this, it kind of talks to the parents who also aren't psychologists, psychiatrists, PhD, masters. They're not. They're like me, you know, with a few CSCs and a couple of O levels. And because I talk to them on their level.

They understand ADHD now. They get it, and they're like, oh, get it. Okay. She I get what she's saying. And so this book, they've been giving it in their droves to teachers. For example, one woman in Australia messaged me. She said, want five. I want five more of these books to give to my son's five teachers. So I've been sending this book off that's very much written for parents to the all these lovely parents who've been giving it to the teachers, and then I had blinding moment. I'm not very quick with blinding moments because of the severe dyspraxia. But I had a blinding moment. And I thought, oh, actually, stop. There's loads more I can put in that book that will help teachers because the vast majority of teachers I speak to.

Want to know. They're not trained in it, but you've probably covered this in other areas of your talk. But we know because I've I run a support group with over 400 members. There's a lot of teachers in that support group. And the most neurodiverse training they've had is three hours out of three years. So it's not the teacher's fault that they don't know this stuff, and the vast majority of them do want to know it. They want to understand ADHD. They want to know how to best manage these kids and to how to get the best out of them, but nobody's told them. Nobody wrote the handbook.

So I've written the handbook, and that comes out in November, which is basically another version of this book, but with a lot of extra stuff in to help teachers understand. And, also, I'm gonna leap straight onto one of the questions you're gonna ask me. It goes into details about the comorbidities. I have a a a big problem with the comorbidities.

It it was it was true. You do talk faster than me. Like, I I I a lot. And even and and just, like, keep going, which is wonderful, to be honest, because I like it. Yeah. Well, the next well, there was a question about comorbidities, wasn't there? So I'll just leap onto that. It's it's one of my big bugbears. I failed my 12 plus when I was 12 and ended up going to a very scummy secondary school because I have dyscalculia, which means my brain doesn't work problems out. So I failed, and nobody can understand why I failed. They were always using the top half of class. You should have passed. But I failed spectacularly.

In Buck's education's words. I failed spectacularly because I looked at it and thought, don't give a toss how many apples he's got or how many bananas he's got and how many grapes she's got. My brain didn't work that way. So I failed my 12 plus, ended up in a very, very, and I mean very rough school where nobody wanted to learn. They all wanted to get pregnant at 13 and leave school, and I didn't. I wanted to learn, but I ended up at the wrong school because of undiagnosed comorbidities. Wasn't my ADHD that made me end up at the wrong school. It was the undiagnosed comorbidities.

So now I'm very passionate about this. And what I've worked out is nobody takes responsibility for them. The teachers don't think it's their job. They're certainly not trained in how to do it. The doctors don't even know much about them and certainly don't diagnose them. And pediatricians and psychiatrists.

Won't touch them unless it's things like anxiety, depression, those sorts of things. So we've got all these dyscalculus and dyspraxias and dysgraphias and all these things flying around, and nobody takes responsibility for it. So in my book, I've said, well, I'm sorry, teachers, but it's down to you Because you're the people that are spending six, seven hours a day with these kids, and it's it's in school and in classes where the comorbidities are going to show up. So a very quick example, I've got a boy that I'm working with at the moment who's 29. He's been in prison 15 times, and nobody has picked up that he's got dysgraphia.

Nobody's picked up in the prison service, all the schools, and he went to a special a special education school. Nobody picked up that he can't write, and he's 29. Hence, he's been in prison 15 times. That is scandalous. Scandalous. So in my book, I've done a whole chapter on comorbidity. And I've said to the teachers, I'm very sorry, but it really is down to you. Because at the moment, nobody else is taking responsibility for this. The parents don't know enough, and often, the parents have got the same comorbidity. So for example, I know my dad, who's not with us anymore, but he had ADHD, and he most definitely had dyspraxia.

So although I'm a clumsy clot and drop my dinner down my my top every single night, so did my dad. So my dad would never have thought that I was anything unusual or had any sort of condition because he was the same. It's a very And that's It's a very significant issue, though, because it can be.

Real denial where the parent is like, it's not a thing. This is just life. The other is Yeah. Actually.

I've seen it with loads of clients. The kid is, you know, well, I I can't spell, but neither can e, but that's a family thing. None of us can spell. And they and they don't think, oh, that's because we've all got dyslexia or dysgraphia, whatever. But also not recognizing, like, the like, may maybe they've been been able to construct a life that, you know, that they're satisfied with that that's gone okay.

This world is very different and their kid may not be able to and needs that help it's But it can be. But we also see the opposite. I'm sure you've seen that too where the kid gets a diagnosis and the parent goes, oh. Oh.

I've had parents massively into denial. I've had head I had a headmistress ring me up once and tell me that a child was so ADHD and the parents were in denial and that she had told the parents that it was tantamount to abuse. That was her words, the headmistress. Tantamount to abuse not to get this child diagnosed because she was severely ADHD. Irony of ironies, of course. Not only was the child ADHD, so was her younger sister, so was her younger brother, and so were both parents. So both the parents hadn't thought this child, but the headmistress rang me. So I I've seen every variation of acceptance and non acceptance of ADHD. I really have, and internationally. I've see I've had clients from countries.

Where ADHD would be seen as, I quote, a mental sickness, and people have been tell clients have told me, you cannot tell that child who's got ADHD because in our country, he'll never work again. You know? And that breaks my heart. That does. But it's on today.

Yeah. Just so that people know. So we've we've slipped on timing, so we're gonna start the Heston at about a quarter past. And but it's it's coming up coming up shortly so people know. Go on. I'm gonna try and, like, get an edge in and and ask one of the questions. So, like Go for it. Go for it. I love a question. What's your experience of working with ADHD offenders in young offender units, prisons?

My experience is wonderful. I adore them all. I I didn't want to do my counseling placement in any any young offender institute. I want to do an adult adult male prison, but I was doing the pompsey person centered counseling. And the adult male prison I'd worked in before didn't want me, so I had to go to young offenders, and I prejudged like crazy. I was like, oh god. I'm not arsy teenager. I just don't wanna work with with stroppy teenagers. And then I went and worked with the stroppy teenagers, and I adored every single one of them. And the first person I worked at when I was on my counseling placement was Aylesbury Young Offenders. I had six clients in that first year.

Three of those have been diagnosed ADHD as children, but weren't on medication, hence, they ended up behind bars. The other two of them, I've managed to get diagnosed on the outside. So of my six clients, five were ADHD. I really don't think number six was, but the he was very chilled and laid back. He might have been in inattentive ADHD, but I don't think so. So five out of six. And very importantly, there's a a mental health nurse I know who she estimates that the amount of ADHD in prisons is eighty five percent.

And I think she's probably about right, you know. And I there's a a very good book that's just come out written by a social worker who's worked in the prisons, and she says it's about seven out of ten. So we're we're all round about that three quarters mark is ADHD. Think the vast majority don't know it. I've seen other numbers, and I I can I don't I think it's not Mhmm? The the debate on the percentages isn't that useful except, what except with Only to heighten one in four thing is.

Yeah. It's wildly over the general population, and and it's a very significant number. And therefore, like, some of the things you're campaigning for, so screening of within the prison service of offenders Of course. Like, makes sense. I can and yes. Mhmm. I I I I absolutely agree. I can do and it makes sense to.

Yeah, to screen to help help these to help people. Like, why why wouldn't you? If the aim is rehabilitation, why wouldn't you? And and why wouldn't you clear the prisons of at at least half, if not 75% of the population? They need to stop building prisons. This building prisons thing is a total waste of time. Instead of that, they need to actually test the people that they've got in there for ADHD and clear half of them out. That would that would help, and it would save save the government an awful lot of money if they did that, and it would also protect the public. This is what they forget. These boys who are not diagnosed and not not medicated, they're up there pilfering and mugging and and robbing and thieving and all. That's what they do. Diagnose and medicate them. Everybody's saying that. And I've I've spoken to, you know, I've spoken to people who've come out of school not being able to read or write.

They're completely failed by the by the education system. I've I've talked to people on both sides of this where you've had people go into criminality because they felt they had no other choice. I've seen people they Absolutely. Like, lot of them, you know, stay at home. They drop their current friend group. They realized what was gonna happen. And in that case, they actually learned to read or write. They got they got they got well, they started watching soap operas. They wanted to know what was happening. And they started reading. And so they decided to get the TV guides to read what was gonna happen. And through that, they learned to read or write. They now have a very responsible, significant.

Job. And and I know people who've gone into criminality and then come out. Like, it's the the the complete the destruction of people's options by the failure of the school system is significant. And.

And also then the failure of the young offender places. Because in the young offender institutes, because the government have cut cut the amount of officers on, boys, their education classes get cut. I had one boy who's now out and working on a building site and very successful. He was livid nearly every week I went to see him because bricks, as he called it, bricks, which was a building, was canceled. They kept canceling, canceling, canceling. So the boys that are in there who want to study and want to learn and want to get a trade.

Often, not always, but often, they are hampered by the fact that the government have cut the amount of officers on wings so much that as soon as you've got one officer who goes off sick most most wings now have got three officers. So one goes sick, bang. That's it. Lock up. Nobody can come out for anything, for education, gym, nothing. So in the young offender institutes, the ones that work is where they get them doing the training, where they get them on the mechanics and on the cars and and and actually getting a trade before they come out. That's what needs to happen. They all need to be in full time education in the young offender institutes and come out with a trade. That's what needs to happen. It's not odd.

I I I we are in absolute agreement.

It's a Good. It's a like, it's it's it's just We're making it happen. We've got it placed on five as well. And I can we're we're making a lot.

Is is brilliant. And I and I think also your resonance with people, like the the way you communicate, the way you engage with people, which is very like, if we can if we can very kindly say, it's very different from the more sort of academic Down to work. Stage, Down to work. And it's Yes. But it's it's an important and wonderful thing. And I if we're gonna help people, we have to provide help in different ways. And you're a shining light of of that. And it's a big deal. We've got time for one last question then we've got to like Okay. Go go and run. Okay.

I get to pick for hey. Actually, I'm gonna do another one after two. The best advice you would give the parents of ADHD children who are worried about what they might go down that they might go down the wrong path.

And but you have to do it quite quickly because I wanna edge in Oh, I'll do it very quickly. Be on their side, simply. Be on their side. Don't take up an opposing stance. Try and understand the ADHD. Get get them in with a coach or a counselor or somebody who understands ADHD.

Help them understand their brain. That's the critical thing. If these kids, girls and boys, understand their brains, understand what impulsivity is and how that might get them into trouble, understand what not thinking of the consequences is and how that might get them into trouble. I've worked with loads of teenagers, and I've rammed it into their brains, you know. You've got to think of the consequence because your brain doesn't do it naturally for you. But if the parents are on their side, then they won't end up going down the wrong path. It's parents who take up an oppositional stance where it all goes wrong.

Thank you. And that's a really important insight. Thank you. What and for for people watching who are coming particularly want to hear for the Heston, it's gonna be starting in a few minutes. So we're on our last question here, and we've we've overrun site. And to be honest, look. In ADHD Heston's only down the road. I might nip up his restaurant after. He's literally down the road for weeks. Yeah. It's yeah but it's my gosh. Question. Cut me a question. Tangented me and I've gone like Cut me a question. Yeah so the the question I've got so it's my it's my favorite as it like and it's one I try and ask everyone. So in your in your life so far, the the impact of ADHD.

What impact of ADHD has made you happiest and what impact of ADHD has made you saddest? If we do saddest first and then end on happiest.

Saddest? That the school thing. The fact that I didn't go to a decent grammar school. I didn't do a levels. I didn't go to drama school. I was I was seen, like, 23 by RADA, and they wanted me to go there, and I couldn't because I'd already got a mortgage involved with that. So I think my education is the saddest thing about my ADHD slash comorbidities. That's that was the the saddest thing. The happiest thing is that I can help loads of people. I've always been passionate about helping people. I started off as a counselor on my own when I was fully qualified in 2015.

Now there's 80 of us who work for head staff. We're all diagnosed ADHD. We're all passionate about helping people. And I I won't take on counselors who don't care. You know? All of our counselors care about people. And that's what I love most about my ADHD. I massively care about people. And I will I will I will bend over backwards to help an ex offender change their life. I'll bend over backwards to help kids change their lives, and I have. I've got my three fave favorite private clients. One's they've all been arrested, all of them. One's now training to be a doctor in his fourth year. One's in his third year of training to be a professional footballer.

And one's gone to university to study law to be a lawyer to help ADHD people. There were three of my clients, all of whom had been arrested for several things when I first had them. And all of them, I said, sub that. We'll move on from that. What do you really wanna do? And let's fight and keep fighting and pushing to get where you want to be. And all three of them have. And I'm proud as punch. And that's my favorite thing about ADHD is that I care a.

That is. And but and there there's there's achievements of those people are, like, that's just wonderful. Like, one and it is the point that we're trying to, like, push so hard, right, which is that people with ADHD can thrive. They can be amazing. Mhmm. Like, if they are lost, if they're not provided with support, that understanding, that awareness of of Yeah. Their ADHD, how to succeed.

Then then they're completely they can be can be completely curtailed. So easily wrong. Yeah. It can go so easily wrong. And that's why we're massively passionate about raising awareness because the more people know, the more people understand, the less likely they're gonna go down those addiction and crime y paths and end up in young offender institutes. That's my big I would love every young offender institute in this country to shut. That would be my goal. Don't put them in young offender institutes. Like, yeah. It's absolutely.

Yeah. Right with with them to achieve on the outside. You've been wonderful. Thank you. Thank you for your patience. Thanks for Pleasure. Allowing us to change the time on you and for being part of this. It's a big deal. Obviously, this is a global ADHD Conference bringing together people from 55 different countries and looking to change ADHD globally, nationally, locally personally. Which is great. I I applaud you. Well done for doing it. And thank you for having me. Well, you for your support and and and for Great pleasure. All you're doing. So but it is the time we have to say, dear. So, like, bye. That's fine. So very, very, very much. Lovely to meet you. Good luck with all of the rest of the time. Thank you very, very much.

Okay.

Goodbye and thank you. She's wonderful. An extraordinary person doing extraordinary things and communicating in a way that's working for so many people and it's a really, really important work.